I participated in the Grown & Sexy with Ella Curry broadcast of the Black Authors Network Blogtalk Radio. Amidst the sexy titles and erotic explorations came real conversations about definitions of sexuality.
· What makes one homosexual?
· Are you bisexual or just a freak?
· Can a person be “on the down-low” and still be straight?
· Why women who experiment with other women aren’t considered gay and men are?
All those in attendance agreed that healthy sexual interest begins with some level of attraction. What interested me most was what wasn’t being discussed. Everyone assumed that finding attractiveness in others instantly leads to sexual desire. That being said, straight people would only remark positively about specific physical features exhibited by members of the same sex in relation to body characteristics they wish to acquire.
In other words, a straight man would not admire the tight ass or ripped abs of another man for the sake of the taut body part itself. It can only be recognized as an example of how the admiring man would like to fix his own self-perceived flaws. Some women on the panel expressed the same for themselves. That part of the conversation struck a chord with me in that we as people should be able to recognize the beauty in others regardless of gender or orientation without sexual desire or sexual preference coming into play.
I am a heterosexual black woman and, as one panel member remarked, I am an erotic person by nature. I can see the eroticism in another female and not desire her in any way. I can recognize what makes her sexy and have no desire to possess her. I can also see the sexual prowess of a man and not want to go to bed with him.
While nothing makes my panties buzz more than a man’s strong shoulders and a nice broad chest, I take pride in the fact that I can appreciate another woman’s beauty without feeling threatened and without feeling less sexy in my own right. I don’t think I am physically perfect, but I realize that there will always be someone taller, someone with a flatter stomach and longer hair.
Once we can all view beautiful bodies of both genders without it defining our sexuality, we will come closer to understanding why we love who we love.
If only it were that simple. As curious children sneaking peaks at Dad’s girlie magazines and as teenagers practicing intimacy with each other, society teaches us to control our urges instead of being a slave to them. Then with adulthood comes the right to pursue those urges, even be consumed by them. Something that was meant to be so beautiful and pleasurable has become so perverted in the search for instant gratification. So much so, we can’t admire the sexual energy of others without calling our motives into question.
The human body and its sexuality should be viewed like a piece of artwork. It should be admired, expressed and appreciated simply because it exists in its natural state. Sexuality which is as old as humanity itself holds only the connotation we assign to it. For some it’s pure ecstasy while others associate excruciating pain in its power to make one vulnerable.
As long as we are obsessed with sex and its personification, happiness with our bodies and our sexuality will remain outside our comfort zone.